The Struggle to Have Faith

I have been a Christian for 20 years now. And there is part of me that says I am no different than the day I was saved. I struggle with the same things, I sometimes I feel that act the same selfish way, and I wonder what truly has changed.

From day one, I have found it difficult to develop a daily devotional habit. I read the bible fairly often and I also have extensive education in theology. But my question remains...how much of it has infected my heart.

Frank Perretti in his book THE OATH uses vivid description in his attempt to show the physical damage sin does to the heart. He talks about a black gooey substance that starts as a black spot and begins to spread as sin and bitterness encompasses that person. This is not the kind of infection I want but sometimes feel permeates my soul.

Lord take my heart today. Wash it clean with a newness that only you can give. I am tired of trying to live up to a standard that I can't reach. I am scum. I am evil. I am loved. I am saved. Holy Spirit touch my soul today.